The foundations of dating….

I’m the first to admit that in my time I’ve done my fair share of dating, usually online, and whilst I’m not afraid to admit I’m a little fussy ( read have high standards ) I usually give guys a fighting chance, unless they do something really silly.

After the whole thing ended with the PT guy I felt a bit deflated, so my friend decided to set me up with a guy to try make me feel better. When talking about him she used the words “lovely” and “sweet” which is code for Mr too nice guy, but he seemed nice so I decided there’d be no harm in having a quick coffee with the guy.

He offered to pick me up from home, a rare and very sweet suggestion so he was onto a winning streak, that was until I saw him. Now don’t get me wrong the guy was a fairly decent looking chap, short neatly gelled hair, well dressed, not covered in acne or third degree burns, but the instant I saw him I spotted only one thing, and that one thing was a DEAL BREAKER.

He was wearing…..MAKE UP.

Not the sometimes acceptable on the right man guyliner…. no no, a full on face of foundation. Nothing else. Now there is a small ( read 1% ) chance I could have been wrong, but a distinct line around his jawline and ear, and a cakey chalky foundation coloured residue ALL over his face, told me and my years of experience of wearing make up that this guy was wearing it, and more than me.

Usually I’m good at overlooking small shallow things, and at least giving the guy a fighting chance, but it was ALL I could think about. I’m sure he is a lovely guy, but I was trying so hard not to giggle or ask him about that throughout the entire date that I really didn’t get beyond the first layer.

I was expecting this…

and ended up with…

Now if he’s not wearing foundation…then neither was my date.

Over the years I’ve had a few “metro sexual” men and I must say the look doesn’t appeal to me what so ever. I like my men to be MEN, stubble, tousled hair, muscle, tattoos, all which say he has the ability to catch me off guard and take me roughly against the bedroom door.

Make up does not make for a sexy man.

I remember a date when i was younger, and he had flowing, shoulder length, baby blonde hair. It was amazing hair, if you are either a woman, or starring in Lord of the Rings, but in reality it didn’t work. The fact his voice was higher than Joe Pasquale’s also didn’t help. Yet I still let him kiss me goodbye. I was only 18. I didn’t know better.

I also dated a guy who was a lovely shade of orange thanks to frequent sessions on a sun bed and an addiction to tanning lotions.

Take note men…. you should never wear more products than a woman.

I did a lot of laughing on my date last night, and I think it may have given the impression i was interested rather than nervously laughing away the awkwardness, so when I said goodbye he leaned in a kiss. For the first time ever I pulled off an immaculate lean to the side and give him a hug instead manoeuvre that was quite impressive.

I never want to be able to say that I have kissed a guy whose wearing make up.

So whilst the date didn’t give me any hope that the right guy for me is out there waiting somewhere, it did at least give me an evening of entertainment and something to giggle about.

I believe they say laughter is the best medicine…

At this rate I’ll be feeling better in no time.

It’s not a competition – the other woman, part 2

Relationships with men are often complicated.

But it’s the relationships I have with other women that really confuse me.

I don’t have many female friends. I think it’s because our insecurities and jealous streaks make us rather volatile to be around in certain situations and I prefer an easy life.

I have made what I refer to as friends through the blogging community over the last year or so. People I can relate to, have things in common with, and whom I enjoy having a gossip with. Things I very very rarely do with other women.

But recently I lost one of these semi-friends because of a man, and it makes me mad. Not because of the man, but because we women let men come between friendships for reasons that really don’t seem worthwhile.

Me and said friend live fairly close to each other, we’re both single, interested in fitness and use the same dating website. It stands to reason that at some point our paths may cross.

So when a guy with whom she’s had two dates with but decided not to take any further asked me out for a drink, I said yes. I even asked her if this was ok as I knew she had liked him.

She said this wasn’t her decision and there was nothing between them so it was up to me.

As the guy seemed very nice I decided to accept his offer, only to find a day later that she had blocked both me and him from all forms of contact with her.

Having read through her blog and knowing how similar her life and struggles are to my own I do feel a little sad at the loss of potential friendship, but mostly I feel mad. That we women are so easy to let go of a connection to another women if we feel they are competition.

I remember being so threatened by J many years ago. I hated her, because I thought “she stole my man”. Of course I know she didn’t, and that in dating and relationships it’s never a competition between two people of the same sex.

It’s about the connection between two people of the opposite sex.

If someone likes someone else it’s not because they are better than you, prettier than you, slimmer than you, etc… It’s because they have a connection.

Dating is one big experiment. It’s about meeting new people and finding out what you want in a partner, what want from a potential relationship, what you want out of life and what sort of person you want to share your life with.

Having a bad date doesn’t make you a bad or less worthy person. It means that person wasn’t right for you.

I remember when I was overweight dates were a huge deal for me. Every date that didn’t like me was rejecting me based on my weight. It didn’t matter what reason he gave or whether I actually liked him. All I saw was the rejection and I associated it with my weight and not being good enough.

But now my approach to dating is much more relaxed. After all, it’s just a date.

Just because they don’t like you does not mean you are unworthy. Just because they choose to date someone else instead of you does not mean you are not as good.

And in a world where we have to constantly “compete” against other women to bag the “right guy” we really should be sticking together with our fellow females to navigate through the difficult world of dating and relationships. Not throwing away friendships over men.

It’s took three years but now myself and J are actually friends. She doesn’t judge me on my actions or imply I’m any more or less worthy of anything than she is based on weight, attractiveness, boob size or whatever else us women feel threatened by.

It’s rare that you find someone with whom you can completely relate to, and understand. So if you do find this in someone, whether its a female friend or a potential boyfriend then my advice is to hold onto it and not let petty arguments impact what could be a great relationship.

Relationships with other people are complicated enough without adding unnecessary drama.

Lost for words….

I’ve been wanting to blog for a couple of days now but not quite sure what to say.

It seems I’m at a loss for words, which never happens to me.

This week I’ve been spending a bit of time with a new man, we’ll call him S. He’s VERY intelligent, VERY cute, loves dogs, has a good job, a great sense of humour, and makes my heart race with a single kiss. I’ve not yet figured out what the hell he see’s in me, but the fact he’s sticking around means there must be something.

I have a tendency to dive into things head first ( as you’ve all seen and read a few months ago ) so I’m trying  to keep my head this time and not rush into anything. That being said,  I see great potential in us and I’m hopeful of what might happen in the near future. I really like this guy.

On a different note, I am back on the losers bench, and this week have managed to shed a whopping 4lb. My biggest weekly loss for a few months now. I lost the 2 lbs I’d gained during my 6 weeks of maintenance and an additional 2 lbs. And I stuck to a clean eating plan without bingeing for 6 days. That’s impressive for me given a complete lack of sugar usually sends me racing to the bottom of a tin of biscuits.

I really don’t need to lose much more weight. I know that I’m slim. I know that I look good. That I no longer need to worry about looking fat, or having 3 chins, or people staring me at when I’m out in public. But I’ve devoted so much time and energy to this transformation and lifestyle change that it seems silly to stop when my body is just “OK”.

I want to work hard and make it a body I LOVE and am SUPER confident with when naked.

Because if I can love my own body, then the possibilities of someone else loving it too are endless.

Lost for words….

I’ve been wanting to blog for a couple of days now but not quite sure what to say.

It seems I’m at a loss for words, which never happens to me.

This week I’ve been spending a bit of time with a new man, we’ll call him S. He’s VERY intelligent, VERY cute, loves dogs, has a good job, a great sense of humour, and makes my heart race with a single kiss. I’ve not yet figured out what the hell he see’s in me, but the fact he’s sticking around means there must be something.

I have a tendency to dive into things head first ( as you’ve all seen and read a few months ago ) so I’m trying  to keep my head this time and not rush into anything. That being said,  I see great potential in us and I’m hopeful of what might happen in the near future. I really like this guy.

On a different note, I am back on the losers bench, and this week have managed to shed a whopping 4lb. My biggest weekly loss for a few months now. I lost the 2 lbs I’d gained during my 6 weeks of maintenance and an additional 2 lbs. And I stuck to a clean eating plan without bingeing for 6 days. That’s impressive for me given a complete lack of sugar usually sends me racing to the bottom of a tin of biscuits.

I really don’t need to lose much more weight. I know that I’m slim. I know that I look good. That I no longer need to worry about looking fat, or having 3 chins, or people staring me at when I’m out in public. But I’ve devoted so much time and energy to this transformation and lifestyle change that it seems silly to stop when my body is just “OK”.

I want to work hard and make it a body I LOVE and am SUPER confident with when naked.

Because if I can love my own body, then the possibilities of someone else loving it too are endless.