It’s not a competition – the other woman, part 2

Relationships with men are often complicated.

But it’s the relationships I have with other women that really confuse me.

I don’t have many female friends. I think it’s because our insecurities and jealous streaks make us rather volatile to be around in certain situations and I prefer an easy life.

I have made what I refer to as friends through the blogging community over the last year or so. People I can relate to, have things in common with, and whom I enjoy having a gossip with. Things I very very rarely do with other women.

But recently I lost one of these semi-friends because of a man, and it makes me mad. Not because of the man, but because we women let men come between friendships for reasons that really don’t seem worthwhile.

Me and said friend live fairly close to each other, we’re both single, interested in fitness and use the same dating website. It stands to reason that at some point our paths may cross.

So when a guy with whom she’s had two dates with but decided not to take any further asked me out for a drink, I said yes. I even asked her if this was ok as I knew she had liked him.

She said this wasn’t her decision and there was nothing between them so it was up to me.

As the guy seemed very nice I decided to accept his offer, only to find a day later that she had blocked both me and him from all forms of contact with her.

Having read through her blog and knowing how similar her life and struggles are to my own I do feel a little sad at the loss of potential friendship, but mostly I feel mad. That we women are so easy to let go of a connection to another women if we feel they are competition.

I remember being so threatened by J many years ago. I hated her, because I thought “she stole my man”. Of course I know she didn’t, and that in dating and relationships it’s never a competition between two people of the same sex.

It’s about the connection between two people of the opposite sex.

If someone likes someone else it’s not because they are better than you, prettier than you, slimmer than you, etc… It’s because they have a connection.

Dating is one big experiment. It’s about meeting new people and finding out what you want in a partner, what want from a potential relationship, what you want out of life and what sort of person you want to share your life with.

Having a bad date doesn’t make you a bad or less worthy person. It means that person wasn’t right for you.

I remember when I was overweight dates were a huge deal for me. Every date that didn’t like me was rejecting me based on my weight. It didn’t matter what reason he gave or whether I actually liked him. All I saw was the rejection and I associated it with my weight and not being good enough.

But now my approach to dating is much more relaxed. After all, it’s just a date.

Just because they don’t like you does not mean you are unworthy. Just because they choose to date someone else instead of you does not mean you are not as good.

And in a world where we have to constantly “compete” against other women to bag the “right guy” we really should be sticking together with our fellow females to navigate through the difficult world of dating and relationships. Not throwing away friendships over men.

It’s took three years but now myself and J are actually friends. She doesn’t judge me on my actions or imply I’m any more or less worthy of anything than she is based on weight, attractiveness, boob size or whatever else us women feel threatened by.

It’s rare that you find someone with whom you can completely relate to, and understand. So if you do find this in someone, whether its a female friend or a potential boyfriend then my advice is to hold onto it and not let petty arguments impact what could be a great relationship.

Relationships with other people are complicated enough without adding unnecessary drama.