This blogging lark is sometimes harder than you expect it to be.
I haven’t really blogged as much recently as I was doing, and reading a fellow bloggers first post back after a brief hiatus I realised why. Because I feel like my readers might judge my actions. That’s not because I don’t love my readers, but because no person can make decisions that others will approve of 100% of the time.
I’ve posted quite a lot recently about dates I’ve been on, failed romances, failed relationships, and even crushes. As my healthy life becomes easier to stick to I’ve began focusing on other aspects of my life, and for some reason dating has been the main focus of my energy for the last month or so.
Finding someone to share my life with has always been an important goal of mine.
For some reason I felt embarrassed by this. As if dating too much was a crime. I’ve actually been accused of that a few times recently. It seems that a woman going on several first dates is considered “slutty” but a guy doing the same is just “Seeing what’s out there”.
So instead of owning up to my actions I just stopped writing about them. And then I couldn’t get back into the swing of writing because I didn’t know what to say, and what to keep private.
There has been a few dates over the last couple of months.
There was a guy who planned to move abroad soon so only wanted “fun”…
There was a Dr who disappeared on me after the second date.
There was a younger man who decided he missed his ex g.f.
There was an ARSEHOLE who dared to call me a DICK to my face….on the date…
and then there was him.
Him I don’t wish to talk about just yet. Sometimes saying something out loud can make it real, and the more real something is the scarier the possibility of losing it becomes.
But by finding someone who doesn’t judge me for my past actions, it’s made me realise I shouldn’t judge myself based on them either.
There is nothing wrong with dating, with meeting lots of people and giving yourself options. There is also nothing wrong with liking someone a little too much before you’ve even met them.
The only wrong thing I could do would be to ignore my own instincts.
So I pledge to blog more again, to be the open and honest formely fat girl you all know and hopefully love.
I’m not saying I’ll tell you gory details, but I refuse to hide my actions any longer.
Just as choose which food to put in my mouth everyday, I also choose how to live my life.
And I choose to live it in a way that will make me happy…
Who cares what the rest of the world thinks..
Healthy Hazimax 