On the right track…

It’s been a while. I feel like I say that sentence far too much. But the good news is, I’m back on the right track.

This morning I was up at 6am to do Jillian Michaels workout DVD. I’m currently cooking butternut squash and nut roast for my salad lunch tomorrow at work, I’m sipping a hot green tea as I write, and I made a YouTube video over the weekend.

I decided it was finally time to kick my ass into gear.

I’d been avoiding the scales, and the blog for a few weeks now.

I knew I’d gained a few pounds because my clothes felt tighter day by day.

I realised one of the main reasons I was struggling is because I no longer have a set routine. The key to my success for the last 2 years or so has been to follow a routine. I knew what days I was supposed to exercise, I knew what was for lunch 3 days from now, and what I needed to buy on my weekly shop. Everything was planned ahead.

Then of course a man, job, and a life came along and I couldn’t micro manage every minute of my day.

Failure to plan is like planning to fail.

So the routine is back.

I should also mention I got another new job. A job that starts 1 hour later each morning, giving me 1 extra hour per day to exercise, cook lunch, or blog. Time I am determined to make the most of.

I won’t lie that the appearance of the sun also helps my mood. The nights are getting longer, the weather is getting brighter, and my spirits are lifting slowly each day.

I may have had a set back, but it’s not the end of the world.

It’s 12 weeks until the peak of summer, and I WILL be looking fabulous for it.

 

False Smiles

Sometimes being a blogger isn’t all that easy.

The nature of being a blogger and writer means I like to share the goings on in my life. But life isn’t always an easy ride. Often I find things crop up that I want to write about, but I can’t because they might cause offence, hurt someones feelings, reveal a secret, or break someones trust.

However writing is how I find comfort in my emotions. It’s one of the only ways in which I can process my feelings that doesn’t involve spending a three figure sum at Krispy Kreme.

This morning I was nanoseconds away from a binge.

I was in the supermarket, basket in hand, ready to pillage the shelves of every last muffin, cookie and biscuit in sight. Then my mobile phone rang, and without evening knowing my intentions  hearing my friends voice on the other end of the phone calmed me down.

I left the store with out binging, and more importantly with a happier sense of self.

I’m struggling a lot at the minute.

You wouldn’t know it to look at me. My colleagues often ask how I manage to stay happy 100% of the time. I’m always smiling, laughing, joking, making conversation and generally a ray of sunshine around the office. But inside, I’m screaming.

I can’t put my finger on the EXACT thing that’s wrong, but I know it’s off.

I’m not myself.

I can’t get back into a routine of eating healthy.

I can’t get into a routine of going to the gym and exercising regularly.

I’m moody.

I’m bored.

My sex drive has gone completely.

I feel stressed ALL the time.

I’m generally a miserable, grumpy cow.

And worst of all I’ve been blaming it all on the person closest to me.

It’s easy to blame the one you love when you don’t feel happy. They take up a large proportion of your time and naturally this leaves you with less time for other things. I admit that lately, I’ve been a shit girlfriend. I’ve been blaming the man I love for my unhappiness and it hasn’t been fair on him.

No relationship is perfect, but at the moment the relationship that I’m having issues with is not my romantic one, but the one with myself.

I’ve fallen out of love with myself.

I’ve lost my spark, my sense of joy, my sense of adventure and drive.

I’ve lost control of the steering wheel and life is spinning out of control.

I can list all the excuses in the world for why I haven’t been working out, but the truth is, I haven’t. Over the last 8 weeks I’ve maybe hit the gym once a week, and my diet has been shockingly awful too. Chocolate EVERY day at the office, processed foods, BREAD by the bucket load. I’ve lost touch with that health happy Hazel I discovered underneath the fat.

One evening this week i rearranged my whole room, trying to cleanse the negative atmosphere.

I want to start over.

To begin a clean slate.

To find happy healthy Hazel again….

Here’s hoping!!!

 

Kale and qualifications

This time last year I enrolled myself on an at home study course for a Level 3 Diploma in Nutrition.

For the first few months I spent my weekend mornings sipping Costa coffee, happily highlighting notes on nutrition, soaking up all the facts and figures, delving deep into my passion. But over time the studying stopped, the folders got hidden away in my wardrobe and nutrition became just something I argued about with others around the office.

My online course only gave me a 12 month period to finish the coursework and pass my exam, of which 11 months and 2 weeks have passed.

There’s a host of reasons I put off finishing my course.

I told myself that fear and cost was the main reason.

My course charged £150 to re-sit the exam if I didn’t pass first time. That’s £150 I knew I couldn’t afford. Terrified I would fail, I pushed the exam further and further back, until the deadline was fast approaching and it became time to sink or swim.

At the back of my mind I always knew there was a much bigger reason I was afraid.

Nutrition has been my passion since early on in my weight loss journey, and I was always keen to learn more about the food we eat affects our health, but my confidence was shattered when doubt crept into my head.

I planned to start a nutrition company. I built the website, I ordered the business cards, and I began spreading the word. All I had to do was complete the exam and my business could take off.

Then the Daily Mail bought the story of my weight loss and the backlash started.

I lost count of how many people told me not to read the comments, but of course I ignored every last one of them and the comments beyond stung.

” She still looks fat to me ”

” Why should I listen to her when she cheated to lose her own weight “

The comments put doubt in my mind. They had a point.

2 years ago I knew everything about dieting, but nothing about nutrition and the impact food has on health.

I felt trapped inside a body I hated and I chose major surgery as my path out.

I will never regret or feel ashamed of my decision to have surgery. The path was never easy and I know I worked my ARSE off every single day to get the results I achieved, but the doubt still held me back.

Why would people listen to what I had to say about nutrition?

What reason did they have to trust me?

The doubt ate away at my confidence.

My course lay untouched for almost 6 months. The thought of the judgement I faced that day online haunted me.

If I passed the course, I might actually have to grab life by the balls and put my knowledge to some use and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that next step.

Like a ticking time bomb, the 1st April loomed in the distance, taunting me, calling me to a challenge. It was time to face reality.

So this weekend I finally took the big red folder out of my wardrobe and delved deep into my notes. Reading everything again I realised that this knowledge was not something I had to study to pass an exam. It was something I lived and breathed every day.

I knew how many calories the average woman needs per day to maintain her weight, I knew what vitamin deficiencies lead to which effects, I knew which foods to eat to fight off illness and promote good health.

This exam wasn’t something I needed to pass in order to prove to myself that I understood the principles of good nutrition.

Regardless of the result, these past 2 years have taught me a lot and I am a happy healthier person because of it.

No qualification would become the be all and end of my self worth. No stranger on the internet would make me doubt my confidence in providing advice and guidance on how to eat healthily and lose weight.

But just for reference, I passed the exam with flying colours.

 

 

 

 

 

Going Green

Many of you probably don’t know, but before my WLS I was a vegetarian. I’d been one for maybe 3 years, after a short spurt at being a failed Vegan.

When I began researching WLS and how my life and stomach size would change I realised that getting my daily protein requirements with a tiny stomach would be a near impossible challenge.

I decided that at that time in my life my health was to become my priority, and it meant reverting back to eating meat. I never disliked the taste of meat. In fact, most of my favourite foods are meat. Chicken wings, spare ribs, crispy duck, steak, and not forgetting bacon. I love me some bacon.

But the reason I gave up meat in the first place was because I disagree PASSIONATELY with the way in which animals are raised for farming. I always bought free range, organic meat, but still my heart didn’t want to be supporting the horrible conditions that supposedly “well looked after” chicken had to endure.

The more I study nutrition and it’s effect on our body, the more I find myself pulling away from meat. As it stands, I can only eat chicken and beef. Pork and Lamb never made it back into my diet because the images I’d seen of pigs tails being ripped out of their bottoms had ingrained itself in my memory. Lamb makes still makes me nauseous.

I’m now over 18 months post op and find myself able to eat a normal healthy portion of food at every meal. Sometimes people are shocked by the portions I can eat now, but I’ve never stretched out my sleeve by eating past my personal feelings of satiety. My stomach has naturally stretched to a “fairly normal” size over time.

Last week I stumbled across a documentary online, Food Matters. I had quite an emotional reaction watching it, and it brought back all my old feelings of anger and hatred towards the meat and dairy industry. Towards the government. It angers me that so many people suffer from serious health conditions because of the poor nutrition advise we are given by the people whose opinion we trust. It angers me even more that this suffering is brought on by people eating animals who spend their lives suffering, only to be eventually slaughtered.

It’s now a FACT, that a vegan, plant based diet is the healthiest option for humans to eat. It meets all our nutritional needs and can not only stop diseases such as cancer and heart disease from occurring, but it can also reverse these conditions if we already suffer from them. All this, and it doesn’t involve hurting any innocent lambs.

So I’ve decided the time has come to re-embrace my morals, and stand up for the causes I believe in. It’s not just about animals, it’s about health.

I want to live a long disease free, active life.

And the facts are telling me that the best way to do that is to cut out meat and dairy from my diet.

It’s going to be a tough transition. I remember last time, the smell of bacon drove me wild for months, and eating out is exceptionally hard when you limit yourself to mostly vegetables, fruits and legumes. Add to it the fact I try to avoid gluten, and it’s going to be a minefield out there for me.

But I’m going to try.

The first step is removing meat. That’s started today.

Then will come removing fish, and then removing all dairy from my diet.

I know it’s going to be a challenge, but it’s one that will benefit not only my own health, but the health and well being of at least 65 animals per year.

65 animals a year might not seem like a lot, but it certainly makes it real. Each animals life is precious and If I can save just 1 animal a year from torture and death then it’s worth it.

Wish me luck!!!

Here’s to a new year…

It’s that time again.

Every new year brings the chance for a fresh start. Maybe you want to lose a few lbs, give us smoking, exercise more, or take more time to enjoy your life. The start of a new year makes everyone very reflective, keen to be their best “this year” and change some aspect of their life.

The problem with New Years resolutions is that by mid January most people are struggling, they set their goal too high.

Gyms make a fortune every January. Flocks of people sign up for a 12 month membership which by the time February arrives they will have stopped using.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t have goals for the new year. Striving to achieve new goals, to push yourself further, to be a little better is something that you should aim to do every year. But making changes that impact your life in a real way is a slow process that can’t be rushed.

Of course there’s things I want to achieve this year.

I want to eat a little less chocolate
I want to stop giving into gluten
I want to run some more 10k races
I want really focus on making this year a great one for my new boyfriend

But non of these are resolutions for the new year. They’re all goals I have been striving towards since last year, gradually gaining confidence in my ability to complete a task I’ve set myself.

To do something in my life I can be proud of.

So this year I urge you not to make a resolution such as lose 10lbs by February, or go the gym 5 times a week.

Instead strive to be happier and healthier in all aspects of your life.

Make good decisions. Eat a little more vegetables, be a little more active in your everyday life, take time off work to enjoy hobbies and passions, really appreciate the people you love.

The best gift you can give yourself for the new year ahead is to live a life striving towards health and happiness.

Living happily ever active….

Looking back over the last 18 months it’s hard to believe just how much my life has changed. That self conscious, depressed, overweight girl has disappeared, and with her, her whole life.

Not only do I have a completely different body, and a completely different man in my life, but yesterday I was offered a new job.

Hoooraaaaahhh!

I’ve had my current job for over 4 years, since I left full time education. At first I loved being self employed, spending my days getting muddy with my four legged friend always by my side, but as time went on and the wage, nor weather improved I began to crave something different, something with prospects.

I’ve been hunting for a while now with no luck, but this week finally got invited for an interview, and for a job I really wanted.

You are now looking at a membership sales consultant for one of the Uk’s biggest gyms. I’ll be spending my days trying to inspire people to get active, lead a healthier lifestyle, and join the local branch of the gym.

All those years I spent as a fat girl I never imagined myself working within a gym, but now it’s my dream work environment and I can’t wait to start.

Whilst it’s bittersweet to finally put my business to sleep, and I’ll be heartbroken to say goodbye to the dogs I’ve spent the last four years watching grow up, it really marks the end of the old Hazel.

 

I have a new body I feel confident in.  A new man who I can picture a fun future with, and a chance at a new exciting career.

My life will soon in no way resemble that of my former fat self, and it’s a scary and exciting future that lies ahead.

This is my celebration pose!!!

My colourful first 5k

Today I achieved something great. I completed my very first 5k. Even my very first athletic achievement in at least ten years.

I couldn’t have picked a better first event than The Color Run.

It was friendly, fun and full of lovely people.

I completed the run in 37 minutes.

National Veg Week Menu – Day 6

Breakfast

Smoothie

• 4 strawberries
• 1 cup total 0% yoghurt
• 200ml almond milk
• 1/2 cup mango

 

Snack

Avocado on rye

 

Lunch

Pear and Lentil Salad

 

 

Snack

Almond Cake and Chocolate Tea

 

 

Dinner

Reese’s Protein Shake

• 200ml almond milk
• 1 scoop chocolate protein powder
• 1/2 banana

NVW Menu – Day 1

Breakfast

Pumpkin Pie Shake

• 200ml unsweetened almond milk
• 1/2 cup mashed sweet potato
• 1 pitted date
• 1/4 tsp cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger
• 10g protein powder

Snack

Avocado on pumpkin seed rye bread ( seasoned with EEVO + S & P )

Lunch

Tomato & Chilli Soup with NYC deli salad

Snack

Almond & Kale Smoothie

Dinner

Mini Vegan Sheperds Pie with NYC Deli Salad

Snack

Total 0% yoghurt with pomegranate seeds and strawberries.

Calories – 1441

Protein – 100 g

A month in review….April

I’m going to start taking track of my progress every month to give myself an idea of how well I’m sticking to my goals, and how many good/bad days I have over a certain period of time etc.. 

April has been a mixed bag. I still had more good days than bad days, but looking at my chart there are more bad days than I’m comfortable with. 

I was aiming for a loss of 5lbs. I lost 2lb. It’s still a step in the right direction. 

This week I read in a magazine about a new way to chart your progress that i’m going to try this month, May. Instead of having a good day ( marked by a smiley face ) and a bad day ( marked by a cross ) I’m going to rate my days from 1-10. This way I don’t have to label a day bad just because I binged when the rest of the day was going well, nothing is black or white. 

Here’s my scoring system. 

1 point if I do each of the following; 

• Eat plenty of fruits and veg
• Drink 1.5 litres of water
• Eat Mindfully
• Exercise
• Avoid chocolate
• avoid processed food

and two points for the following 

• not bingeing 
• not overeating past my personal satiety level 

Everyday I tally up my score and rank the day out of 10. Aiming for a score of about 60 per week. 

I’m not sure if it’s a system I will like once it’s in practice, but it seems a great way to keep focused on the mini goals I need to aim for everyday, and see how they span out over a longer period. 

Bring on May.